As I mentioned before, Jett met with a few developmental psychologists last week for some evaluations. Their main objective, I believe, was to screen for autism spectrum disorders. I had sort of ruled out autism in my mind beforehand. He had made so much progress in speech therapy, and I think I may have been floating down that river in Egypt (denial), as I heard someone else put it.

I guess I wasn’t surprised when they said they were confident that he was high-functioning autistic. I don’t think I processed it right away, either. It’s just now starting to hit me a little more. I’ve been an emotional wreck this week.

We also had our first IEP meeting on Monday. I knew that there was a good possibility that they would recommend special education preschool for him, but again, I hadn’t fully prepared myself for that step, and I didn’t really process it right away when they brought it up. We had so much stuff thrown at us all at once. First, there was the diagnosis and all the information given to us by the psychologists. Then, there was the IEP and all the information and paperwork given to us there, and then they told us that he could start school the next day, if we wanted. We didn’t want to delay too much, since the school year had already started, and we wanted to get him started as soon as possible. Of course, I was a little daunted at the thought of sending my first child off to school for the first time, but I didn’t expect such an emotional roller coaster that day.

I wasn’t really sure what to expect, really. I figured he would probably be a little stand-offish, and maybe he would act up a little bit, but nothing extreme. Tim picked him up, and I wasn’t there, but apparently it didn’t go well at all.

When we talked to the teacher at the IEP meeting, we told her what a great kid he is, and how everyone comments on how he has such a pleasant disposition (the two developmental psychologists mentioned this), and how he’s so sweet and happy all the time. She knew about his delays, but I still think she had extremely different expectations. DH said she seemed almost exasperated at just how much of his behavior was very uncooperative, stubborn, and she even said she was surprised that he did display so many typical autistic behaviors. It was just a disappointing day overall. I could sense that he was a little stressed about it when we dropped him off, and after hearing about how tough his first day was, I just wanted to hold him and never put him through any of that stress again, even though my head knows that he needs this.

Today was a better day. We decided to only have him stay for part of the day, per the teacher’s suggestion. DH dropped him off, too, since I was afraid that I would have a complete emotional meltdown if he resisted or put up a fight going in. He did much better, so we’re definitely hopeful about the situation. I still cried about 4 times yesterday, and several times today. I’m just hormonal and overwhelmed. I have stacks and stacks of paperwork that I haven’t even had a chance to glance at yet. My mind is just going and going. I barely slept last night and the night before. I’m exhausted and worn out.

I met the sweetest lady when we went for speech therapy today. She was waiting for her son, and she started playing with Jett, and asking me questions. She said he was exactly like her son, and she asked if he was autistic. I said yes, he’s HF autistic, and we started talking. She was so sweet and supportive. She asked me when he was diagnosed, and I told her last Friday. She gave me the biggest hug. I seriously wanted to break down and start crying right there in her arms. I’ve just been feeling so lost the past couple days. Something about talking to her just made me feel like everything was going to be okay. She walked me over to the Family Connections window. They help parents with special needs kids connect with other parents for support, and she volunteers with them. They got my information so they could get me in touch with a parent partner.

Thank you for reading. It’s good to get these things off my chest.