Sorry it’s been so long! We’ve been extremely busy around here, which will become more apparent throughout this entry.

Jett is doing extremely well in school and therapies. He’s speaking in full sentences, remembering names, having conversations, and progressing very well socially, thanks to preschool, speech, and occupational therapies. He’s writing his own name, reciting the entire alphabet and identify various letters in his environment, and he’s counting up to twenty! We’re still seeing a lot of difficulty with transitions or changes from his normal routine, but he’s slowly becoming more adaptive and flexible.

Dax, on the other hand, has become a concern to us now. I’m almost positive he’s on the spectrum, even though he’s still very young (he’s 22 months). I just have a gut feeling about it. He’s exhibiting so many behaviors that just don’t seem normal, even for a child his age. If it was just speech delays alone, I wouldn’t be quite as worried, but there are other things, too.

He’s completely non-verbal. No words. He did have some, and he completely “lost” them. No babbling, no jargon – nothing. Only whining, the occasional laughter, and crying.

He’s tried to bite people, including himself, when frustrated. He tried to bite a complete stranger (one of his therapists, during his first visit with her) when he got frustrated with her because she was trying to get him to say “more” before giving him another toy.

He flaps his arms wildly when he gets excited, as if he’s pretending to be a bird. He does this several times a day when he gets excited (or overstimulated, I suppose).

He freaks out in large groups of people he doesn’t know (like at a house party, for example). He’ll cry and scream until removed, and then it takes a while for him to acclimate and calm down enough to enjoy himself. Even after that, he’s still very clingy to me and/or Tim (especially me), and if he’s ever at a point where he can’t see one of us, he’ll start to scream again.

He’s often grouping like items together when he plays, and he also lines things up. He’s appears to be obsessed with sorting things.

His eye contact with others is limited, although he does make some eye contact with me. He’s extremely (and believe when I say that “extremely” is a vast understatement) attached to me.

I know lightning can strike twice sometimes, but I seriously can’t shake the thought that I’m causing this. I know it’s not unusual to have one child on the spectrum, but two – two in a row? This is just so much to process and handle. I was just getting a grip on being a mom to one child with autism, but I fear that having a second would just completely do me in.

While I am encouraged that Jett is doing so well in school and therapy, it worries me that Dax had some words, and then lost them completely. Jett was at least saying a few words at this age, and he never regressed like this.

I’m just completely scattered right now, trying to sort through this.

Meanwhile, we’re considering some dietary eliminations for Dax – namely casein (a milk protein). Some research shows a link between casein and regressive autism (when a child regresses, or loses some skills that they once had, and then land on the autism spectrum).

It’s hard. I won’t lie. It’s really, really hard sometimes. I do my best to stay upbeat and positive, and I know that this is just a part of life, and autism does not define my child (or children, as it may be). I do my best to use every experience as an opportunity for learning and growth.

On a lighter note (well, somewhat), I thought I’d share a little funny for you.

We were in the car, and I told Tim that we would probably be having Dax evaluated for an autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

Me: You know how about 80% of married couples with children on the spectrum end up divorced or separated?

Tim: Yeah.

Me: If Dax has an ASD, does that mean that we have a 160% chance of getting divorced? Haha. ::being tongue-in-cheek, trying to lighten the mood, you know::

Tim: Well, technically you can’t have a “160% chance” of anything. You see, percentages blah blah blah…

…and he went on about percentages and math stuff that I don’t get at all. Ah, I love that man. He’s adorable.